Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
