just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
