I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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