there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Found the puke drawer
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
