even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
