Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
