and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
