the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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