dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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