In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize