you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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