that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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