I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
