I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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