Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
