i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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