Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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