I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
