i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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