"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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