there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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