Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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