she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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