I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
