Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
