She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize