Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
