So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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