I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
