spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
