i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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