About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
