In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
