Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
