i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
