I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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