Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
