And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize