mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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