Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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