This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
