and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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