He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
