Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
