mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
