Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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