i would punch a child for taco bell
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
