the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
