Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
