pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
