Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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