So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
