Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
