well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
