you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
