the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize