left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
