I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
