'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
