She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
