let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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