I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
