I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
