I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
