No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
