By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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