so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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