fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
