maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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