Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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