Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
