Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
