so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
