evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
