the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
