So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
