Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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