i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
