the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
