YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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