I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
