We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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