I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
